Happy Anniversary. (I fly by my own wings)

Happy Anniversary, asshole.

No, I'm not mad.

Okay, maybe just a little.

Anyway, I did all those things I had planned for when you were here.

You know, those surprises I kept talking about.

Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, well, that's 'cuz they were SURPRISES.

Anyway. Moving on, here's what you missed:

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I went into the city and visited all the places I was going to take you to.

The Met, Museum of Natural History, Picnic in Central Park, The Seaport, etc.

Oh, and I finished of the day watching The USA v. Ghana Game at The Dead Poet with my cousin.

The funniest thing happened, this guy spilled my beer on me and since I didn't really make a big fuss about it he kept buying me beers throughout the whole game. Oh, and a shot of whiskey. I took the US loss pretty hard. I've got hope for Spain... oh, and NOT because it's your team, because I actually like Spain, and Portugal, but Spain beat them earlier on. Oh, you didn't think I was that into soccer? That's because you assumed I was all about handbags and handkerchiefs.

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I went to a Soirée at my bosses house that you were going to be my date to, and I slept at the Inn one night. I had that big ass bed to myself and slept pretty well, to be honest. The next day I had a picnic, by myself, overlooking the hudson. I didn't have to pack as much food, so it was easier for me to find a good spot to set down and eat. I went to the Spa, as well, and since I didn't have to pay for your treatments, I doubled up on my own. The Swedish Massage, Facial, Hand and Foot Treatments, and Sea Spa Mani/Pedi were amazing, thanks for those. To tie up the day I kept MY reservation at the Aritst Palate, one of the best restaurants IN the Valley, and had an amazing meal.

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I went hiking with the puppy. Oh, I have a puppy now. He's a cutie. And at least I KNOW that he's gonna be "doing the business" with random bitches, so I won't be disappointed. He's very protective, it's cute. Anyway, I jumped off a 60 foot waterfall, not because i was suicidal, but because it was a fucking RUSH. I think I have a new hobby, cliff jumping (I know, how Bella Cullen of me).

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I signed up for a table at pride. So I didn't really get to have any fun. I'll admit, I probably wouldn't have signed up for it if I was going with you. You can have that one. It's pride.

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I went clubbing. I drank, I danced, I got in a fight. It was pretty Epic.

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I went to the Waterfront to see the Fireworks. I watched them with friends and family. I was alone in the sense that I am not attached to someone anymore, but that was fine, because they were beautiful.

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I cried. Boy, did I cry. Oh, but you know that because in a moment of weakness I called you to tell you I hate you. I barely got the words out between the sobs and shortly after started hyperventilating. Yes, that part was kind of pathetic. What's even more pathetic is that you had the audacity to message me on iChat and tell me that it was fucked up that I was ignoring your calls/tweets/what have you.

Do you want to know why it's pathetic? When it comes down to it, the black and white is that you cheated. Yes, WE had our bumps in the road in the beginning of the relationship. You were unfaithful, I was unfaithful. You'll have that. We were past that in our relationship, you forgave me, I forgave you, it was done. And then you went and did it again. You can try to explain it away, make excuses.

But none of your excuses matter. What matters to me is the phone call I got hours before, the one telling me how much you loved me, and could never be with anyone else.

What matters to me is the note you left for me to find... don't remember? Here:

apparently, there WAS something more.

What matters to me is that none of this means anything.

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It's really disappointing because you really did have good intentions, but that doesn't matter when the actions overshadow the intention. And in this case, the points you won for being honest are really inconsequential. Because I loved you, with all of me. And when the stakes are that high, all that matters in the end is that you completely broke me. Nay, you broke my heart, but I can't be broken.

So what it all boils down to is that I loved you will all my heart. You broke it. So no, I'm not the douchebag for not speaking to you. You, my love, are the douchebag for cheating, and for realizing way too late that you really didn't love me in the same way I loved you.

So, I hope the random sex at that house party was worth it. Because you've lost me in every sense of the word. And it's not because I hate you (which I kinda do, right now). It's because I don't want to be associated with a person who has the ability to hurt someone who they supposedly care about. The person who was absolutely loyal, supportive, and understanding. The person who wasted two months rent on you, while being evicted from their apartment because they were two months behind (Stupid, stupid).

In all honesty, I still am in love with you. I will always still love you. But eventually, I'll burn the picture that sits on my desk. You don't know the ones? Here, let me refresh your memory.

I'll mail you the USB Mixtape I made for you. And the cards I had planned to plant in your bags for you to find. Oh, and your shirt, the one I slept in. I'll send you a prepaid box to send me my stuff back in, and that will be that.

The point I am trying to make is this: I loved you, I'll move on with my life, with a powerful lesson only you could teach me. I'm fine on my own. I will live my life according to me, and I will enjoy every minute of it. I fly by my own wings.

this isn't me, btw. It's my brother, Jon... the one you were hitting on.

Love,